Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Ok, so this has an American slant, but you should be able to translate to an Australian situation...
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.
Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan . When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Thanks to young Ninure for this post.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
The following is a repost from Vanessa Bell. Thanks young Vanessa.
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
Why do we buy hamburgers in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet, so she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
1. TO SEE
2. TO TASTE
3. TO TOUCH
4. TO HEAR."
She hesitated a little, and then added,
"5. TO FEEL
6. TO LAUGH
7. AND TO LOVE."
The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop.
Those things we overlook as simple and ordinary are truly wondrous. This is a gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be bought...but are gifts from above. (James 1:17)
Safety is not the absence of danger, but is the presence of God.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken - pork and beef and fish too.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Category: Religion and Philosophy
A new way to "hear" something familar:
Thanks to young Ninure for this post.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank of Ireland it was found that James O'Toole was using the following password:
When James was asked why he had such a long password he replied
”Are yez stupid? Shore, Oi was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital''