Thursday, December 23, 2010

Under instruction from The Boss.

Howdy everyone, it is GTF here. I bet you were not expecting to be receiving anything from me, well I can tell you that I was certainly not expecting to be sending a message either.

It was all so sudden. There I was minding my own business as only I know how when *poof* I found myself standing in front of the Big Boss, THE BIG BOSS. So many things went through my mind it was a bit like Heathrow Airport on a non snowing fog bound day. I started to think of all the things that I had not done quite to the Creators specifications since arriving here and I was getting up to the mid one hundreds when a calmness swept over me and I found myself back in the arms of the Creator being hugged and cuddled. Suddenly I knew that I was all right - what a relief that was.

The Creator spoke and said, in that deep rich sounding voice, as only he can, 'Well young GTF, how have you found Heaven in the short time that you have been here'. Oh! I was not expecting that, what could I say, after all here I was in paradise with all the other animals along with a huge bunch of humans. I quickly said 'I am still so overwhelmed at all the variety of beauty that is here that I often become distracted by yet something else that is so amazing and fantastic' *I was quickly trying to cover my stuff ups as being due to still being struck by the awe and splendour of the place*

The Creator roared with laughter, 'GTF, you continue to amaze me' he said. 'After all, I know everything before it happens. You cannot pull any wool over my eyes'.

I nodded sheepishly in agreement. 'Well you can't blame me for trying' I tried to say as the Creator placed his hand over my mouth. 'Hush little one' he said.

LITTLE ONE, why I would have you know that I was the... that was as far as my thoughts went before the Creator continued, 'I have a special task for you, I want you to describe to all your friends back home, you know, from where you came from, what Christmas means to me'.

Now I knew that I was in trouble. How could I a mere humble cat put into words how the Creator felt about everything that was involved with the birth of his son on Earth all those years ago.

I felt an inner glow as the Creator gave me an extra squeeze. 'Don't worry, young GTF, I just want an independent account of the goings on, and as I looked around and gave it some thought, you were the most independent one whose name sprang into my mind. Fully supported by a raft of comments from the supervising angels I might add who have requested that either the shifts are shortened or that more 'assistants' are provided to watch over you.'

I didn't know how to respond. 'Don't say a word, young GTF. I just need you to realise that you are so, so loved by me that even if I had to deploy an extra legion of angels to watch over you I would do so willingly. Cost and time management not being an issue I can assure you'.

Wow, yet once again the Creator was wanting me to do something. I must be good, no good is not good enough. I must be great I thought, for the Creator to want me so much.

The Creator sighed deeply, 'Now before you get carried away with your own puffed up view of how important you think that you are young GTF. I need you to understand that in my eyes everyone is important but it just so happens that at the moment you are taking up more of my time than even I first thought would happen. But so be it, as I already know how you will pull through and end up taking your special place in Heavens affairs, but that is for another time.'

I pulled myself together, well internally at least, as externally I did not want to let on to all the multitude that were gathered around us to think that anything was amiss or out of the ordinary. *I did mention that the Creator was seated on his throne, while all this was happening. No, oh well there is another oversight on my part. Seems that I am full of them*.

'So what is it to be, young GTF, will you take up my offer, or will you just postulate as to how in your own eyes you are so important in the grand scheme of things.' Eech, now I'm back to being under pressure, again!

'I'll do it' I blurted out. *now where that came from I am still to find out as I certainly cannot recall even formulating that response in my mind*

Too late, I thought. I have committed myself. But how to do it. What to say. It is all so overwhelming. *I began to tremble and to sweat beads of moisture*.

'Ah h, little one, everyone goes through moments of self doubt and even anxiety before they rise and conqueror the particular adversity that they saw before them. You are no different. You are special and you are unique, and while appreciating that you still need to take assurance in the fact that you are no different.'

Well, what could I say. With a deep breath and accompanying puffed up chest I replied, ' Your Heavenly greatness, of course I would be honoured to accept such an undertaking'. *Now if that wasn't something said totally outside of my comfort zone, then I don't know what would be*

'Great', the Creator responded. 'I knew that I could count on you to pull through for me.' *There was that pressure again, I thought. Is there no end to it*.

And so it was, that I the great GTF having been commissioned by none other than the Creator himself , was now wandering around Heaven, observing all that was taking place.

The first thing that I noticed was that there was no panic going on. It was as though all of this had been planned from the beginning of time. To my left just up what appeared to be a golden road with trees on either side of a stream, was the sound of myriads and myriads of angels, all in tune, praising and glorifying the Creator. I must admit it did put the efforts of our Cat Power glee club to shame, and I could now understand the reason for so many people back home providing extra footwear for us, (not that we needed it, mind you), as they threw their shoes at us in a vain attempt to have us cease our singing. Well, now I was on the side of the throwers. We were hideous, compared to the joyous harmony that I was now privileged to be witnessing.

Then there were the stars that were being prepared to light up the sky and to point to one special star whose task it would be to guide some humans to the birth place of where the Creator's son was to be born. In a manger, in a town called Bethlehem in the country of Judea.

Then to my right, a big discussion was taking place amongst another group of angels. Perhaps they had voices like our glee club I thought as they were not in the choir, but I digress *no comment required thank you* but rather they were sorting through an album of animal photos making appropriate noises and comments as each page was being turned.

'What is going on' I enquired as I tapped the wings of the closest angel. Now here I must tell you that 'wing tapping' is not looked on with favour by the angels as they are a tad proud of their beautiful spread of golden adornment. But it is fun, nevertheless.

'Well you see' the angel replied, 'We have been charged with supplying all the creatures that are to be present at the birth of the Christ child, and we are concerned as to the quality of the animals we have to work with'. I could see the angels point, and it struck me that in some measure it was much the same as the relationship between me and the Creator.

I said to the angel, 'Why not have the most rowdy and self assured animals from your list being present. By doing that you can guarantee that they will pass on from generation to generation amongst their kind, all that happened and how the Creator of all had come to share a manger with them.'

I stopped and looked for a response. I waited for a response. Then I got my response. 'What a crazy idea', they all said. 'But then it just might work you know, as animals are such a fickle lot'. Phew, I thought, that was close. Fancy them doubting the great GTF's skills of 'people /animal management', but then they hadn't known me until then.

I then left that group of angels discussing with renewed vigour the merits of the animals that they had to choose from and went to see what else was happening.

As I continued on my walk around I could not help but notice the heightened enjoyment that each person/being that I came across was exhibiting. I then knew, with a deep down knowing, that this event was a premium event in the history of the world, and that being the case, then Christmas was definitely a premium event in the life of the Creator. How could it be otherwise.

Now to go back and share with him my findings... In the meantime I trust that you will have a great Christmas experience this year and if I can encourage you, go easy on the eggnog!!!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Hey everyone it is me, and have I got a story to tell!!

Well, I have just had my personal PDR reviewed by none other than the Creator himself. It was not at all like I was expecting, as sitting beside me with his arm over my shoulder, we went over my life's history. It was incredible to see that in the bigger picture of things, all the little selfish things that I did were used by him to help and encourage others in ways that I could not imagine.

After going through my life and having me come out the other end in one piece, I then felt comfortable inraising the issue of my nine lives, and if it was true, or all just a fairytale to have us think that we were better than the dogs (well most dogs, as I met some fine upstanding specimens through my FB friends who would cause me to put them on the same level as us cats).

The creator informed me that yes I did indeed have nine lives, but not in the way that I thought it would be.

He then took me back on a panoramic journey of my life, very much like looking at a beach where the sand remained pristine and free of any sign of human encounters. Then the Creator pointed out something that I had missed, as along the waters edge were two sets of footprints, one human the other one mine.

The Creator looked at me and said that I might find this hard to understand but that any humans who had read the 'Footprints in the sand' poem, would understand. (

He then read the poem to me and I again gazed at the footsteps, but this time more closer still, and then I saw it. At eight places along the journey there only appeared the footprints of the human. Mine were nowhere to be seen. I turned to the Creator with a question on my lips when he suddenly lifted me up and placed me on his knee.

'GTF' he said, 'At those points along the beach, which represents your life's journey, where only my prints are shown is a time in your life when you died'. 'I died' I exclaimed *rather loudly it appears as some of the multitude of hovering lights seemed to scatter and hide behind others*

'Yes, you died' the Creator said, while all the time stroking my neck and back with his hand, which I noticed for the first time had patches of dried blood on it. 'However' he continued, 'your life was substituted by my Son, as he said that you were special and that he wanted you to share eternity with us, and all the other animals as well'.

I could not believe it. I had died eight times previously. Why did I not know this.

The Creator smiled, tickled me under the cin and continued, 'GTF, like yourself, all animals are special to me. It is just that at one time in history I gave the decree for cats to have nine lives'. 'Why not dogs' I interjected. 'I know some great dogs, and fish and frogs and even a rather uptight stuffed bear'. 'What about them',

The Creator chuckled, and I think smiled inwardly as he pictured the motley lot of FB characters that I was referring to. He then said,' they are all wonderful creatures, especially the bear, as I have expanded his heart to be compassionate and to take over in part the work that you were previously doing with Cat Power and the PAT YOUR PET DAY, site.

As for the 'PJ's.... the good, the bad, the extreme' site well I'm not so sure as you were rather hard on PJ, weren't you.'

I nodded in agreement. 'Well', he continued, ' that may be for others to continue with, as we cannot let the boss of the Big Red Shed get away entirely without some thorns in her flesh, so to speak'.

He had me with that last comment, and so I let it pass.

"Yes', he continued, but in a voice that was like a whisper, ' I so love you GTF, that I now have a special undertaking for you to do on my behalf'. 'Ohh', I instantly pricked up my ears to catch every word that the Creator was about to say. 'I want you to be the voice of conscience in the minds of other animals. I want you, on my direction to speak to them, even as I am speaking to you. I want you to whisper to them just how much that they are loved, and that I have placed them in positions where they can help and influence the humans in whose midst I have placed them'.

WOW, what a responsibility. I nestled even closer to the Creator. 'Of course I will' I replied. I mean, how could I not want to help the one who loved me so much.

The Creator then lifted me off his lap and took me to what appeared to be a golden birdbath filled with sweet smelling fragrance. He then scooped up some of the oil and poured it over my head. He laughed when I sneezed as a bit had gotten up my nose. 'GTF, you will be fine' he said, 'stop grandstanding'.

Then on a signal that he gave that I could not see, all the little lights that had been hovering, came towards me and then as though on instruction they landed on me forming a radiant outer layer that looked and felt so cool. I mean, to me I looked fantastic. I was just like a Christmas tree that had been covered all over with fairy lights, only these lights were so much brighter and did not weigh anything at all.

Continuing, the Creator went on. 'GTF, you are now sealed with my loving protection, as unlike human lights that tend to burn out rather frequently, you will now radiate forever in a new coat that will forever remain spotless and perfect'

I jumped down from the birdbath thingie, and started strutting around, cat, did I look good, even great, even perfect!

'Just one last thing', the Creator said. 'When I want you to communicate, I want you to use the medium of FB to make encouraging comments, and not to poke fun at the people you are speaking to'. I looked at the Creator in mock amazement. 'Don't give me that' he replied. 'You know very well what I mean and let me remind you, I AM CLOSER TO YOU THAN YOU THINK'.

And so that was my personal encounter with the Creator. He has given me a job to do, and with the dedication that I am known for I will apply myself as though I had to consume a barrel of egg nog in one sitting. Now that would be Heaven!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I have to confess that I'm depressed, even while I admit not everyone is as lucky as I am.....

Ok, so this has an American slant, but you should be able to translate to an Australian situation...

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.

Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan . When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Thanks to young Ninure for this post.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The sad case of Ralph and Edna

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good
news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his
bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry..

How soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health Day!

You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend...

Done my part

Monday, October 4, 2010

Have you ever wondered...

Have you ever Vanessa Bell

The following is a repost from Vanessa Bell. Thanks young Vanessa.

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke?

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

Why do we buy hamburgers in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Ok, so the PAT YOUR PET DAY surprise, really was a SURPRISE!!!

Now, fair is fair. Already today on FaceBook the assistant has given his side of the story. A very biased view of the disaster if I might say so. Anyone would think that he was a Politician running for office.
You be the judge. Here is how it happened and the events leading up to it.

After last months effort with the cat litter all over the bed, I thought that I would do some planning and this month bring him something 'out of the bag' so to speak. So for the past week while the assistant has been out, each morning I have been standing in the water feature on the balcony and then squatting in it and finally soaking my tail in it. You see, I got this idea from watching this cat on a Youtube clip swimming in a pool and I thought that as the assistant believes that he is hot stuff that if I cooled him off then that would be a nice treat for him.

So to set the scene, it is 6:45 am and you need to picture the assistant sitting in his favourite chair, MacBook open on his lap and checking out his FaceBook page before he has his 7:00am swim.

I crept out onto the balcony and did my early morning dip in the water feature and then hastily raced inside spraying water everywhere as I then leapt through the air, gliding gracefully like a Rugby League player scoring a try, and landing on all four paws on the MacBook keyboard to score my personal try of the month.

Well, you should have seen the reaction of the assistant, as far from him being pleased of my effort he leapt into the air, MacBook and me going in two different directions at the same time, sprouting words that I believe are not appropriate for the before 8:30pm TV time slot. I did not quite catch them all but I caught enough to see me retreat at a great speed back out onto the balcony and to my makeshift home behind the water feature, and huddle with my heart in my paws, reflecting on what had just happened.

How could I have gotten it so wrong after all the planning and preparation that I had put into the PAT YOUR PET DAY surprise. I can only put it down to the super sensitivity of the assistant in not being able to accept a goodwill gesture on my part.

It seems to me that the assistant is more of a wussy pussy than me, and that is the story and I am sticking to it. *a celebratory two paw high five, to me*

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Seven wonders - as seen from a child

The following was taken from a Blog by young Ninure. I had hoped the assistant would marvel at the choices of the child, as he is quite simple himself!!


A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet, so she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
4. TO HEAR."

She hesitated a little, and then added,


The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop.

Those things we overlook as simple and ordinary are truly wondrous. This is a gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be bought...but are gifts from above. (James 1:17)


Safety is not the absence of danger, but is the presence of God.


Read more:

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The great breakfast disaster of 2010

Last year it was the great suitcase disaster, when the assistant went over my tail with the wheels on his large suitcase after returning home from holidays.

This year it was my turn to be helpful to the assistant. I had been planning it for a couple of weeks. It was going to be a great exercise and one that would put me right up there in brownie points.

The idea was to use the July PAT YOUR PET DAY to spring a surprise on the assistant by giving him some breakfast in bed.

The plan was going to schedule when suddenly it all went haywire.

Picture the scene.

I had walked into the bedroom, jumped up on the bed and was just about to deliver my mouthful of Adult Whiskas when I sneezed.

Well, the little pieces of dry food went spraying all over the bed like a sprinkler arc in full force.

I then started coughing and up came a furball of mammoth proportions which flew out, hit the pillow then rolled down and became lodged between the top sheet and the donna.

And then to top things off, as if I could do anything worse, I then left a trail of Breeders Choice Cat Litter over the bed cover, as unbeknown to me, I accidentally wet my tail in the water feature situated on the Balcony.

That happened earlier on in the morning before I had used the litter tray. On doing my number two's my resting tail picked up a load of the recycled paper pallets and it appears that they clung on for dear life and it was only when I started to sneeze that my body shook so violently that the pellets became dislodged and ran amok on the bed cover spread, rolling into every hiding spot available.

That was when I decided that retreat was the better part of valour and I high tailed it out of the room and into my hiding spot where I decided to spend the remainder of the day.

So much for my surprise breakfast for the assistant!!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Honesty is the best policy!!

This was taken from a Blog from young Ninure.

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny. But she couldn't have been right - everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken - pork and beef and fish too.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...

Sunday, May 23, 2010

On being .......Blessed!!

Category: Religion and Philosophy
A new way to "hear" something familar:

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there
is more of God and God's rule.

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only
then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are-no more, no less.
That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't
be bought.

"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food
and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find
yourselves cared for.

"You're blessed when you get your inside world-your mind and heart-put
right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of
compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your
place in God's family.

"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The
persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

"Not only that-count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or
throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that
the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be
glad when that happens-give a cheer, even!-for though they don't like it, I
do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My
prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.
Matthew 5:3-12 (The Message)

Thanks to young Ninure for this post.

Monday, May 3, 2010

It's party time!

Well, the assistant has been busy cleaning up the place ready for the guests who will be arriving to assist me to maintain the property in the manner to which I have become accustomed, whilst they are attending a Bible College reunion in New Zealand.

This can only mean one thing, party time!!

So here I was spending most of this afternoon on the catphone network sending out invitations to all and sundry to join me for a 'Balcony Bash' not to be missed.

The committee members of Cat Power were quick to lend their support as I proposed to them that we could use the function as a recruiting opportunity as we are always on the lookout for new members to our cause.

In relation to the catering, I have called on my friends at 'Kitty's Catering for Purrrrfectable Pickings' and they have promised to deliver trays of delectable delights to ensure our pallets are placated with heavenly tastes.

In relation to the drinks, well I have resorted to the ever reliable standby tactic of the BYO routine. *Boys Your Out, if you don't Bring Your Own*

The last thing to decide is the timing for the function and here I have gone for a 1:00am start. This will give my guests plenty of time to arrive, relax and rehearse.

Ah yes, the rehearsing!

We will be having a rootin' tootin', boot skootin', sing a thon that will test not only the vocal chords of the singers but also the ears of all in the nearby vicinity.

Yes, all is ready and as my tennis mate says, 'Bring it on'.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Deep in thought, so I thought!!

I was just relaxing on the mat that sits on the carpet between the Lounge area and the Balcony when all of a sudden I was awoken out of my daze by the arrival of the assistants daughter and her young child.

The sight of a 16 month old child rapidly advancing towards me was enough to get the odd dose of adrenaline flowing. I was off like a shot. I went over the oval table and raced on behind the lamp table and then slinked along behind the two seater sofa.

After gathering my wits about me *believe me, they flew everywhere in the flash of movement that I put myself through* I then quietly made my way to the second bedroom where I then commenced to re fortify my position.

I feel better now!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

This is the assistant in one!!

During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank of Ireland it was found that James O'Toole was using the following password:


When James was asked why he had such a long password he replied

”Are yez stupid? Shore, Oi was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital''